It takes GUTS

This photo taken 3 years ago. Photo of Christine Refuerzo

Fear

Have you ever detached yourself from a thing that you’re growing with? Or let’s say a thing that all through your life is part of every event? How does it feel? Me, I've been there. I have detached from that thing, a thing that has been with me for a long time. Separate, parted, detached, discrete these all connotes parting ways, isolation or being alone. But I thanks such terms for those made me describe how happy I am to be alone- at last!

Two years ago.

I was staring at the people chatting and laughing.

“Hey miss, I guess that’s your number” said the girl at my back pointing at the screen.
I checked on my paper
“Thanks” I said then I proceed to the room.

My heart beating loud and fast, my feet trembles and my hands are sweating.

“Christine Refuerzo?” asked by a man wearing navy blue shirt and jeans. I nod and manage a smile as an affirmation. Then he wears his white coat. By that time, I knew, it’s the parting time.
“Listen carefully to the page” he point to the speaker beside the CCTV. “Once you hear your name, proceed immediately to room it says.”
“Okay. Thanks” I said. Then he leaves the room.
Alone, I feel the silence. I hate silence that time for I know I couldn’t break it. So I close my eyes and hear a familiar sound.
“Doobdub. Doobdub. Doobdub.” It’s my heart.

Finally, the moment I’m waiting for.
I try to feel each cut but I can’t.
“Breathe in, deeply.
I breathe in.
“Okay, we saw it… now I want you to relax”
I breathe in deeply.
I hear the scissors snapping.
“Cotton please… more”
“Okay Christine, were trying to remove it from your flesh… what we are trying to do now is cutting the veins to completely remove it”
“Ahhh…Okay” this is all I can say.
Silence draws me to the moments I don’t want to remember.
“What’s that?”
“What?”
“This” Touching to my left arm. “You have two elbows?”
“No!”
Then laughing surrounds our classroom. I hate that moment. I curse in my mind whenever someone would tease me because as they say I had two elbows both in my left arm. I wish those moments to just get lost forever.

“Ahhh!” I scream because I feel a prick.
“Bear with the pain, we’re on the last phase, we’re stitching your wound.”
I want to tell him how painful it was and shout at his face statement –How can I bear the pain?!
But there, I bear the pain.

At last it’s gone. The cysts that I've carry for almost eighteen years of my life. That day I feel like I’m a new person, feel more confident, free. They say past is past but, I guess this part of my life is for keeps for its scar is visible until now.
“Why it took you so long to get here to remove your cyst?”
“I can’t decide”
“Why?”
“I’m scared.”